Perhaps you read Britt-Marie Was Here, lauded here a couple of months ago. And if you did, and liked it, you will undoubtedly love A Man Called Ove. For everyone else, A Man Called Ove stars a grumpy, fussy, lonely old man who misses his dead wife so much that he spends the first many chapters trying to commit suicide, in a completely controlled, preplanned, unobtrusive manner, as befits his style. But life intervenes as his new neighbors need help backing up their moving trailer without destroying his house, an old friend needs help escaping from the clutches of the social services, a young man needs help when his dad throws him out, and many people need rides to the hospital. The story flashes back movingly to his hard life while he grudgingly, but dutifully helps everyone and eventually finds a warm circle of friends.
A touching and comforting story if you need reassurance that our fellow human beings are mostly good.
Dinner with Edward: A Story of an Unexpected Friendship is a lovely story of how a young woman who just separated from her husband (and, apparently and rather drastically, her daughter) gets solace from scrumptious dinners with the elderly father of a friend who needs cheering up as he ages, without his beloved wife. The recitation of the menus seems overdone in a sea of similar book structures, but I loved the soft, yet lucid focus on how hard it is to age and slowly lose the ability to do simple tasks, not to mention equally aged friends.
In Old Age: A Beginner’s Guide, the author, who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in his forties, reflects on what it’s like to age. His descriptions of the subtle and often unsubtle rebuffs he has received as a result of his disease are both amusing and terrifying, as are the stories of his (mostly positive) interactions with the medical world. His point is that we will all die one day, and that it can be rough to wrap our head around that idea.
The last chapter is focused on societal trends rather than the personal side and I found it meandering and often ill-advised. But I loved everything else about the book.
Hide is a jewel of a love story. It stars an aging gay couple, one being the narrator and the other declining fast from the stroke-induced fall in his tomato plants that kicks off the story. The two met decades ago, but in their small North Carolina town and back in the day, they chose to hide their relationship from everyone, family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. As Frank gets sicker and sicker, his partner frets, reminisces, and mourns the life they used to have, however restricted they had to make it. There have been many books about declining partners, about the hardship of being a caretaker, and about love that needs to be hidden, but this story brings all these themes together in a lovely, humorous, and tender whole. Bravo!
Spring Chicken: Stay Young Forever (or Die Trying) is emphatically not a self-help book, which I feared a little when I chose it at the library. Rather, it explores research about aging and contrasts it with the claims of quacks and crazies who make a good living selling hope to aging baby boomers.
The book is very entertaining, with characters that include a 92-year old pole vaulter who built a pit in his backyard, an engineer in his fifties who takes ice-cold showers and fasts before long runs, and the author’s father, whose end-of life plan reads “Just shoot me” — and that does not include the true freaks aka quacks!
And adding to our list of words-that-don’t-exist-in-English-but-surely-should: ikigai, a Japanese word that means “reason to get up in the morning”. At this point, it seems to be the only proven anti-aging factor.
Meeting the English reminded me, a lot, of Love, Nina, which was a set of (real) letters written by a nanny to a literary family in London. This is a novel, but with a similar setup of a young Scottish high school graduate who comes to help a well-known writer who just suffered a stroke, and whose two wives (one divorced, nothing that titillating) both fail to take much of an interest in him, besides figuring out when they will get his money. Add two ungrateful semi-grown children, an anorexic friend, and a gay literary agent, and the stage is set for a long, hot summer of intrigue, told mostly from the point of view of the kind, generous young Scot. Apart from the simplistic ending, the plot uncoils with enough surprises and villains to make for a very enjoyable story.
The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America is written by an activist for domestic workers, and indeed the most successful part of the book are the portraits of senior care workers that show them as skilled and devoted individuals, capable of transforming the lives of their patients.
Alas, the rest of the (slim) book would have benefitted from a good editor. There are lengthy discussions of how difficult and costly it is to find elder care when one tightly-written chapter would suffice (and with so many repeats of slightly different numbers, the reader starts doubting them). There are, of course, repeated calls to pay elder care providers better — but the author seems to forget that her repeated assurances that home care is cheaper than nursing home care fall apart if home care workers were paid the more generous wages they undoubtedly deserve! So the author’s thesis is that “government”must step in and pay, which seems to forget that “government” is us, and the examples she gives of seniors unwilling to spend their savings on their own care underscore the madness of looking for miracle funding. Yes, we have a problem, and this book will not resolve it.