Daily Archives: November 14, 2017

** The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel

Eli Finkel is married, mostly happily it seems, he is a psychology professor, and he also appears to be a big nerd. His book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, rests on the interesting premise that modern mores may load too much on marriage, namely that expecting our spouses to be companions, lovers, best friends, co-parents, and also boosters of our self-growth may simply be unrealistic. I’m tempted to agree.

That said the book starts by quoting Eat, Pray, Love (yikes), uses charts that any academic should be ashamed of (with more non-zero scales than Tufte himself can shake a stick at), relates experiments that are so specific that I doubt they show anything significant about anyone’s marriage, dips all too frequently into self-help silliness (although he makes some interesting reframing suggestions to avoid reflexive blaming), and relies heavily on the Maslow pyramid of nonsense (double yikes!)

But that one idea, yes, is quite useful!

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Filed under Non fiction