Daily Archives: November 13, 2014

* Unworthy by Anneli Rufus

After my sojourn with the narcissists, I thought I would explore the other side of the self-esteem continuum with Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself, and while I did find someone who clearly used to hate herself (she claims to be mostly cured), I mostly found someone who suffered mercilessly at the hands of a mother who did not like herself either and who constantly and cruelly reminded her daughter that she was unlovable. How sad! From that experience, and the stories of others like her, she concludes, not unreasonably, that self-hatred is caused by a traumatic childhood — alas without exploring whether the condition happen minus that cruel parent. And she nevertheless pursues how to build high self-esteem, which I also think is unwise. Seems to me that a high level of self-esteem is not the goal; it will be the consequence of  working through the decades of (in her case) motherly abuse.

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